Ginger Rogers is heating her Christmas pudding in the microwave when it explodes all overFred Astaire.
Fred breaks into song:
Pudding on my top hat,
Pudding on my white tie,
Pudding on my tails.
(Thanks to Ken Bradley)
Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Why do Christmas Puddings make perfect gifts?
Because no Postal Service has been able to find a way to damage them.
Who made this Christmas pudding?
Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool. What did he use to make it? Elf-raising flour, of course.
Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean,
That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!
Food at the Races;
The jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field. His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.
He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence.
With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding.
Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.
He immediately went to the race stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered.
Submitted by Cheryl Harding to the original site (see the link)
Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas Pudding ?
Your teeth !
A troop of French Foreign Legionaries were marching through the desert. They had been marching for days, their water supply had run out, and they were on the brink of collapse. And then suddenly, as they staggered over the crest of a large sand dune, they came upon a sight that brought relief to them all - a market place, spread out over the desert. Rows of colourful stalls, with their banners flapping in the breeze.
The legionaries were delighted. Filled with an extra surge of energy, they ran down the dune to the market. Arriving at the first stall, the begged the stall-holder for water. "I'm sorry," says the stall-holder, "all I have are these delicious puddings made from jelly and sponge and with a cream topping sprinkled with hundreds and thousands."
Not to be deterred, the troops move on to the next stall, pleading for water. "Sorry, but I only have these bowls of pudding, made from jelly and sponge," says the man behind the counter.
The legionaries move on, but as they look down the rows of stalls, they can see that every single stall is selling exactly the same thing, and as they move along, asking for water, they get the same response every time.
Finally, one of the stall-holders takes pity on them, and tells them about an oasis not far away, so they leave the market, and head for the oasis.
As they're leaving, one of the legionaries turns to his partner, and says
"Hmmm. That was a trifle bazaar."
Brandy Plum Pudding Recipe:
1 or 2 bottles Brandy 1 cup butter 1 teaspoon sugar 2 large eggs 1 cup dried fruit baking powder 1 teaspoon soda lemon juice brown sugar nuts
Before you start, sample the brandy to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the brandy again. It must be just right. To be sue brandy is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of brandy into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sue that the rum is of the finest quality. Try another cup. Open second bottle if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the brandy again, checking for tonscisticity. Next sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter.)
Sample the brandy again. Sift + pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or what ever color you can find. Wix mel. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake. Check the brandy again, and bo to ged.
There was this guy....
There was this guy who was walking down the street with a plate of christmas pudding on his head, otherwise acting quite normally, and he seemed oblivious to the looks of passers-by.
Finally, a man stops him and says "Er ... do you know you have a plate of christmas pudding on your head?" The first guy says "Of course. I always wear a Christmas Pudding on my head on Wednesdays."
"But it's only Tuesday" says the man. The guy looks mortified. "Oh, my God! I feel like such an idiot!"
Pudding! Pudding who? Pudding on your shoes before your trousers is a bad idea!
Which is the left side of a pudding?
The side that's not eaten!
The first soldier says; First soldier: "Pass me the Christmas Pudding, would you?" Second soldier: "Sorry, No!" First soldier: "Why not?" Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"
What's a lawyer's favourite pudding?
A Sue-it pudding
When is a plum pudding musical?
When it's piping hot.